Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
