Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
