it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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