she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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