Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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