I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
