Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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