I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
