someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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