You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
