There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
