Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
