Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
