We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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