I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
