you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
