So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
