so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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