I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
