Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
