she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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