I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
