She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
