her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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