On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize