She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
