Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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