I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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