Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Randomize
