We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Randomize
