I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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