I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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