The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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