if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
