Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
