I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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