God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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