dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
