Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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