will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize