Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
