why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need a beard to bite.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
