apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
