well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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