Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize