I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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