i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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