I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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