Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
