Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
