I could have mohawked her pubes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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