I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
