I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize