i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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