my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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