I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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