Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
