Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
