I am spending my child support on dildos
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
