you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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