im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
