just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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