I just made out with a guy for $7.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
