there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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