Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
