i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
