Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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