my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
