Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
