Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
