Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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