My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
its liver damage thursday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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