I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize